Happy Birthday
by LovelyIdiot
Summary: Of all days to be depressed, Fai ended up being depressed on the day when Sakura had her monthly thing, Syaoran misses his playboy and Kuro-chi is as moody as ever. A crack fic and seriousish fic at the same time. Rated M for Sakura's pottymouth?


Happy Birthday

**Disclaimer: Should I ever own Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicles, rest assured, that there would've been a world where there would be bubble tea, less feather hunting and 100% A LOT MORE FAI~ KYAAA XD.**

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><p>Fai was never the one to be melancholy, nor lock himself away from the world silently. It was so …Unlike Fai… Today Fai stuck himself under the safe covers of his blanket, hiding himself and emotions from the others. Today, Fai didn't plan on doing anything, besides only one important thing, and didn't intend to go out, much rather even get out of his bed. Today was unlike any normal day, where if Fai was upset, he'd normally frown a little before again putting on his fake yet gorgeous, beautiful, dazzling, sexy, prize winning if it had been in a women's magazine, handsome, dreamy, sexy smile potent enough to melt the hearts women in any age… And a maybe a few men along the way. No need to point fingers at a certain person, of course.<p>

Ahem…. Anyway, as they say, there was a first time for everything. Today, Fai D. Flourite has locked himself away from the world, _silently_. Never had this unnatural phenomenon ever occurred, nor did any one predict this. Kurogane was shocked, the princess and boy were gaping and Mokona was whining over the lack of breakfast. A few stale cupcakes lay on the table, next to a melted candle and a glimmering blue stone.

"WHEEERRREEE'S BREAKFAST?" Mokona cried, "KURO-DADDY, WHEREE'S BREAKFAST? FAI-MOMMY SAID HE'D MAKE OMELETTES AND WAFFLES! ALL MOKONA MODOKI CAN SEE IS OLD CUPCAKES AND A SHINY ROCK! MOKONA WANTS FOOD MADE FRESHLY WITH TLC! KURO-DADDY KNOWS WHAT TLC IS RIGHT? OH NO, MOKONA FORGOT! KURO-DADDY IS A HEARTLESS BITCH WITH PMS!"

"SHUT UP MANJUU OR I'LL DECAPITATE YOUR FAMILY!"

"Silly Kuro-daddy! You're in my family! And don't forget Usa-chan!"

(\_/) (Because who doesn't love fat Usa-chan?)

( )

'SINCE WHEN THE HELL AM I RELATED TO YOU?"

"I LOVE MY KURO-DADDY!"

"SAY WHAT? DO YOU WISH TO DIE, MANJUU?"

"Ahem, Kurogane-san… I th-" Ah… finally… a voice of reason…

"Tsk tsk! That would be Mokona mistreatment! Yuko will certainly hear of this! And Yuko-"

"DON'T BRING THE DIMENSION BITCH INTO THIS!"

"Kurogane-san… Fai-sa-"

"Tutt tutt… Yuko will make you pay for this! Yuko will take away your other big shiny sword! And black Mokona will beat the shit out of Kuro-chi and make him lose his fu-"

"SHUT UP MOKO-CHAN!" All eyes turned to the source of the outburst, gaping, "Syaoran-kun… Please continue."

"Er… Right, princess… As I was saying earlier… erm… Fai-san hasn't come out yet. And um… erm…"

"ARE YOU MAN OR NOT SYAORAN-KUN? HONESTLY, YOU MEN HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO BE MANLY, THEN DON'T BE A MAN! YOU DON'T DESERVE THE PRIVLEDGE TO BE FREE OF THESE HORRIBLE CRAMPS AND PAINS IF YOU CANNOT BECOME A FREAKING MAN!"

"Princess?" Syaoran looked bewildered by Sakura's sudden… blunt behaviour.

Sakura ignored him and continued, "Anyway, Fai-san is still cooped up in his room, and I am starving my fu-"

"PRINCESS!" Kurogane interrupted her, just like a good ol' daddy who would never ever teach his kids such words…

Kurogane had no idea that a princess as delicate as a feather…

… **silence**

… Would have such profanities coming out of her dainty mouth. Not even Tomoyo swore this bad, not even when she was drunk shitless and sang filthy sailor songs with Souma.

"Princess, I understand your concern, but honestly, WILL YOU STOP YOUR FREAKING SWEARING?" Syaoran had lost it, "honestly, how much do I have to suffer for you? How much longer will I have to travel from world to world, with no freaking desire to collect your stupid feathers? I don't even know why I want to go looking for them? I just have to and I don't know why! It's not like I love you or anything! I mean, honestly, who needs some vegetable of a princess when I have hentai and playboy? God knows I have better things to do besides looking for something that is in almost every dictator's hands? I miss my playboy magazines, ok? I NEED THEM! I WAS DESIGNED TO LOOK AT PICTURES OF NAKED WOMEN! Stupid dimension bitch took it away as part of that damm price…"

Kurogane couldn't believe his ears. As a ninja, he was expected to… expect the unexpected… know when the enemies are going to strike… even while in the loo, he carried his special big shiny sword with him, just in case. But this, this was insanity, it was madness!

"AND FOR ANOTHER THING, WHAT THE HELL'S UP WITH YOUR TINY CHEST? I'VE SEEN FREAKING RULERS WITH MORE CURVES THAN YOU! YOU CALL YOURSELF A WOMA-"

"CAT FIGHT! MONEY'S ON SAKURA!" Mokona cackled evilly. Not only was our cute little mascot a stinkin' tosspot, but a gambler, a cheat and a very violent and ludicrous thief, "But Fai-kitty would win any day!"

Amongst the entire hubbub that was muffled out in his ears, Fai still had not come down as he would as if this was any other day. Today was not any other day. Today commemorated an important date, although sombre, which would be unusual to the average human like you or I. He didn't bother to go calm down his 'family', nor scold Sakura for her potty mouth and Syaoran for his porno obsession. He didn't get up to make breakfast, or even wash up. Fai didn't even bother to get out of his bed, and brush his teeth a blinding white, like he would any normal day. Because this wasn't just any other day. Instead huddled up in a foetal position under his blankets, cradling on to a stale cupcake from last night, shedding a single tear.

"Happy birthday to you too, Fai…"

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><p><strong>HAHA! I DID IT! I WROTE A SERIOUS, SAD YET CRACKFIC THING! AND TO THOSE WHO THOUGHT I COULDN'T, -Insert rude gesture here- MUAHAHA! There I went ruining the mood :3<strong>

**Ahem… As I was saying, if you do not understand what the hell is going on, it is most likely that this piece was written while I was high on bubble tea. Usa-chan is basically a rabbit, and shame on you if you didn't know. And a free cookie for those who picked up the Ouran Host Club reference there, it was very subtle and I am not sure if a pink rabbit named Usa-chan is commonly used in… pretty much anything a fanfiction could sprout from… I suppose… It was set in before the events in acid raining Tokyo, as this is basically Syaoran, who became mindlessly… addicted to collecting feathers. And in my little piece here, I hope I have made it somewhat clear that Syaoran is addicted to porn! Yes, yes I know that he had a heart back then but people! This is a crackfic, so anything can happen! And Yuko had to confiscate them! Also, if you have read the manga, you would know that Fai was talking to his twin brother, and wishing him a birthday wish. I might write a second chapter, a sequel to this one where Kuro-chi actually confronts Fai on the day after. So until then! Bye nii~ (Lucky Star reference, Akira on Lucky Channel always says this XD)**


End file.
